Sometimes we don't see it until we are past it...
Friday, August 27th 2010 @ 2:33 AM
Some of you may have read the thread I started in the discussion forum about my baby's situation with her eating and growth (or rather, the lack of both). I got some wonderful advice and encouragement from other NJP members, and somehow, a few weeks later, I find myself over this particular parenting hump—with a baby who now eats pretty much everything! This is amazing, considering that just a few weeks ago she could not swallow the tiniest speck of food. And I feel confident that simply eating (in addition to nursing) will lead to her growing and developing the way she should.
Now that I'm looking back at this experience, I can see it from a clearer perspective and see what happened as it unfolded.
When my baby was a year old (four months ago today), I felt she was healthy, happy, active, and overall just perfect. (Of course—I'm a mommy.) But at her well check-up, her doctor wasn't happy with her growth and expressed concern. She wanted to keep an eye on her, so we made an appointment and I went home—and suddenly when I looked at my baby, she seemed tiny and scrawny and weak. Had she changed since that morning?
I spent the next two months nursing her like crazy, and trying to get her to eat food (no luck). In June, we went in for another check-up. I was sure she was a bit pudgier in the legs, and when the nurse proclaimed her fifteen pounds, I smiled knowingly—remembering, I thought, that she had been fourteen pounds the last time.
But it turns out I had remembered wrong. Last time, she was sixteen pounds.
I told the doctor that we had been traveling the past week and my baby hadn't nursed well and had slept more than usual, but she was, naturally, concerned about the weight loss and ordered a blood test. That's when I started really worrying, too.
I looked at my baby and all I could think was, "Poor baby, she's not thriving!"
The blood test showed that she was vitamin D deficient (in fact the doctor said she was concerned about rickets), so we started to supplement with vitamin D drops. And I continued to try to introduce food, without success.
Boy, it's amazing what a doctor's worried words can do to a parent's confidence! I felt like my baby was fragile. I would whisper to her, "Grow, grow"—just like the saying from the Talmud about the angel that strikes each blade of grass, urging it to push upwards.
I posted here on the forum about my situation and was very reassured by the helpful responses.
And then a breakthrough happened. One day, when my baby tried eating, she did eat. She swallowed and didn't gag. She took dainty bites and chewed with her little front teeth. She asked for more.
Why? Well, it wasn't because of early intervention (I cancelled the appointment) or a battery of tests by a gastrointestinal specialist (that appointment is postponed). Those resources were lined up and available, but ultimately unnecessary.
She was just ready. Her inner timetable kicked in and she ate. Simple as that.
And now when I look back, I see how my view of her health took a nosedive when the doctor told me my baby was "falling off the curve." I started to doubt myself as a reliable judge of my baby's well-being. But she was just growing and developing at her own pace.
Of course, sometimes poor growth is a real problem. There are many reasons that a baby might not be growing properly. (Believe me, I know, I read about every single one, all over the Internet.) And I'm not saying I should have discounted the doctor's concerns—of course not.
A baby's job is to grow, and a pediatrician's main job is to monitor that growth. To a certain extent, parents need to step out of the way and let doctors do their job so that any problems can be identified and treated.
But on a psychological level, you have to stay centered, and you have to keep things in perspective. Following the doctor's advice to come for additional check-ups or to do tests or see a specialist may well be the right thing to do. But at the same time, you have to stay confident that you, as the parent, know your child best. A smiling, active baby is likely to be just fine (but cover your bases).
And as far as growth charts and curves... I have lots to say, but that is a subject for another time!
(P.S. For those who read my post last month: My baby has also started to talk and sign, just a few words for now—but she is on her way.)
